Of Slaps and Blood
by Semi-Automatic Grandmas
Summary: Read and you'll see our insane world of parody. Hey, that rhymed! Oh, and there's also some drama, some love... that old chestnut. DMGW.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: We own nothing but pen and paper.

A/N- Yay! Our first fic... we are sooo proud. We are "Who Died of Ennui" and "Socra".

Accreditation:

Who Died of Ennui- Snape having a crush on Draco and the bitch-slap.

Socra- Draco and Ginny in love and Ginny's blood obsession.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Professor Severus Snape paced back and forth in his office, occasionally using his wand to remove a thought from his head, putting it in his Pensieve.

The Pensieve, that magical basin in which one could put one's thoughts when there were too many of them, swirled, and an image appeared in it. Exactly what Snape was thinking about at that very moment.

The image was that of Draco Malfoy. Snape glanced at it, and then mulled over what had happened between them last night…

It had indeed been a passionate event. Snape's hands sweated at the thought of it.

_He was patrolling the halls late at night when he found Draco Malfoy ambling down a deserted corridor. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Snape, voice trembling, said, "Mr. Malfoy, you shouldn't be wandering the halls at this hour."_

_Draco looked at him and, after a pause, moved his hand tenderly towards Snape's face. Snape started and stared at Draco's hand which was inching its way towards his face…_

_And then Draco slapped him, before jumping about singing, "Bitch-slapped! Bitch-slapped!"_

_Snape put his own hand to his cheek, feeling the pain, and thinking how very passionate that bitch-slap had been. _

"_Mr. Malfoy…" said Snape. "Do you even know what a bitch really is?"_

"_It's female genitalia, is it not?" Draco cocked his head to the side like a confused dog. _

_Snape gaped at him. "Then how would a bitch-slap work?"_

_Draco slapped him again with a loud WAP! And ran away, his laughter echoing through the dark hallways. Snape stared after student and noticed a shadow separate from the wall, following after him._

_After processing what had happened, Snape decided to follow as well. He couldn't hear Draco laughing anymore, but he knew in which general direction he would be found. As he rounded a corner he heard voices near the entrance to the library. _

_Suddenly a loud WAP! Rang out and Snape's mind raced, recognizing with ecstasy, that tender chord. Stepping forward a few paces he spotted Draco looking quite heartbroken, his cheek red where someone had struck him._

_A voice came from the spot Draco was staring at, though no one could be seen. "She never wants to see you again!" The voice was very angry, but Snape identified it at once. The fool with his invisibility cloak… Potter!_

_Another thought registered: Potter had bitch-slapped Draco! A growl almost escaped Snape's throat. Of all the insolence..!_

_Draco looked fit to pass out or at least vomit. He managed to choke out a "But-but-"_

"_But nothing!" Harry shrieked, raising his hand to slap Draco again, but stopping. "I've finally made Ginny see you're only using her!"_

"_Why you little-" Draco leapt at Harry and knocked him over, punching and kicking. The invisibility cloak fell away and Snape could see Harry's head and assorted body parts. "Ginny-" whack "is the only-" whack "girl-" whack "that I've-" whack "ever-" whack "loved!" POW!_

_Harry struggled to his feet clutching his nose with one hand and his broken glasses with the other. "Fucking retard!" he shrieked as he ran off towards Gryffindor. _

_Draco was about to run after Harry and cruelly murder him when Snape stepped out, "Draco!" The boy tensed. "I know how you can get even with that Potter boy without murdering him," Snape said, with the gently kindness of a small frog. _

_Draco's eyes filled with tears. "R-really, Snapie?"_

"_Oh please, do call me… Sevvie the Sexy."_

"_Er. I'll just say Sevvie, for shirt, why don't I," said Draco, blushing. "And you can call me… Dracky."_

"_All right Dracky. So I will tel you this brilliant way of getting even with Harry Potter. But of course as a teacher I technically shouldn't do this. Favoritism, especially against Dumbledore's precious Mr. Potter, is not looked well on. So if I am to tell you this, I ask for something in exchange. It's only my right. So if you let me bitch-slap you, it's then, dear Dracky, that I will tell you the secret plan."_

_Draco, who had been falling asleep slightly during Snape's speech, nodded cheerily. Then he moved his face forward, offering it to Snape. Snape, swamped by the vision of Draco's pale, chubby cheek, giggled slightly and then brought her own pale, spidery hand forward. He hesitated for a moment, savoring the anticipation, and then… WAP!_

"_Oww," whined Draco. _

"_Bitch-slapped, Dracky! Haha!" muttered Snape. _

_Rubbing his cheek ruefully, Draco asked, "So what is this plan of yours?"_

_Snape told him._

Ginny sat in front of her mirror, combing out her long hair that was like fiery syrup, only no so high in temperature and also slightly less sticky.

She heard someone walk up to her door, open it, and enter. Without turning around, she sighed, "Hi Harry."

He gaped, dumbfounded. "How did you know it was me?" he cried.

"Because," she said, "you're the only one who never knocks at the door before coming in!" Clearly they had had this conversation before.

"Still," Harry said. "Still, it's kind of creepy. Don't do it again, woman!"

She stood up, eyes flashing, and slapped him. WAP! He reeled backwards, startled by her slap and entirely baffled by the strobe-light-esque special effects that her eyes were emitting.

"Get out of here, Harry," she said coldly. In fact, ice began to form on the windows. "Get out now."

He walked over to the window and opened it. He turned back, shouted, "Malfoy says he hates you!" and stepped out the window. There was a cry from him of "This isn't the doo-" followed by a _whoomph_ as he apparently landed in a huge snowdrift.

Ginny got up and closed the window. Then, carefully, she sat down. Was what Harry said… true? She dipped her fingers into a handy bowl of water and put the moisture on her eyes so she appeared to be crying. "Why me!" she said experimentally.

Then, she stood up and walked out the door. Seeing something, she hastily took out her wand and whispered "Lumos!" As the light spread out from the tip of her wand, she saw Harmione laying on the floor in a large pool of blood.

"Harmeeno!" Ginny wailed, rushing to her friend's side. But as soon as she kneeled down, she felt the blood on her legs and shivered with hidden pleasure. Without hesitation, she lay down in the blood and rolled in it laughing, cackling, and occasionally yelling "Hurrah!" It was really no wonder she liked Draco.

Ginny heard, by some supernatural talent, Hermione's eyes flutter open and stopped what she was doing. "Ginny?" Hermione asked shakily, turning her head to see Ginny.

"Harmeeno! What happened? I came out and-" Ginny stopped, seeing Hermione's shocked expression. She felt the blood in her hair slowly begin to trickle down her face. "And I slipped in all this blood! That was how I found you."

Hermione still looked a bit creeped out, but decided to accept her friend's answer. "I-" she sat up warily, "was heading to the girl's dorm when… someone hit me? I really don't know what happened."

Ginny nodded. "This is all very mysterious. It's amazing you're not dead what with all the blood you've lost."

Hermione looked around her and then said, "Oh yeah!" She promptly passed out, landing back on her blood with a sickening squelch.

Ginny ran her hands through the blood and massaged it into her face and down her neck. "Oh that's nice," she stated before getting up and running towards the hospital. She had to save Hermione!


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Nope.

A/N- This chapter is really long so don't expect an update IMMEDIATELY, though it will come so keep your pants on.

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Chapter Two 

Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse, was placidly sticking sewing needles into the face of some student or another who happened to be immobile and staying in the school infirmary. All of a sudden, the doors to the hospital flew open and in rushed Ginny, covered in blood. Pomfrey was so startled that she accidentally stabbed one of the sick students in the neck rather than in the face, for which she had been aiming.

"Miss Weasley!" cried Pomfrey. "You're-- you're covered in blood!"

Ginny glanced in a mirror, noting that the bloody made her red hair look even more nicely red, and said, "Oh, don't worry, it isn't MY blood."

"Whose, then?"

"Hermione's. Oh, sorry, I forgot!" She rushed out the doors and then came running back in, now with a terrified expression on her face. "Madame Pomfrey!" she cried again. "Hermione's been injured; you must come quickly!"

Pomfrey dropped a handful of sewing needles onto an invalid student's head, and then ran with Ginny out the door.

They reached Hermione. Pomfrey took one look at Hermione, and then picked her up in her arms and ran with her back to the infirmary, muttering something about "another to be needled!"

Ginny, worried sick about Hermione, comforted herself slightly by wallowing in Hermione's spilt blood.

Meanwhile, back at the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey had cleaned the blood off Hermione -- and discovered who had attacked her.

Once the blood had been washed away, the original source of the injury turned out to be on Hermione's arm. It was the name "Draco Malfoy," carved into her skin with a knife, or a chipmunk, or some other sharp object.

Mm, sharp object, thought Pomfrey.

Later that day, Draco Malfoy was walking along the hallway outside Ginny's room, thinking. Suddenly, he tripped over Ginny herself, asleep in the blood. He tried frantically to regain his balance, but in the end, he ended up falling down next to her, splashing them both with cold blood and waking her.

She said, "Go away, Draco," as the blood mingled with the tears on her face.

"No," he answered, rolling on top of her.

"Too-- heavy--" She puffed as he crushed her lungs.

Draco didn't move and instead wiped the blood off one of her cheeks. His hands being bloody as well, it did not help at all, but just smeared it a bit more. "Why would you want me to leave?" He had started to stroke her hair now.

"I don't", she gasped, "love you anymore!"

Draco stared at her, hurt and longing written all over his face. So Potter hadn't been lying. "Why, Ginevra?" Tears rolled down his face, but he didn't notice. "We were so--"

She put a bloody hand over his mouth, and he closed his eyes at her touch. "We were-- are-- nothing," she murmured, gazing into his eyes, with all the coldness she could muster, which was a lot.

He tore her hand from his mouth and pinned both of her arms to the floor. Pressing his face into her neck, he whispered, "How could you say that?"

"Stop, Draco," she rasped when he started kissing her neck; yet there was no protest in her tone. "Stop," she repeated as she ran her oozing red fingers through his platinum locks.

His tongue trailed along her skin and he tasted blood. It wasn't ordinary blood, though. It was--

"Mudblood!" he screamed into Ginny's ear. He leapt up and pulled her up into his arms heroically, holding her above the now terrifying blood. His voice was shaking. "We were lying all that time in mudblood! We were going to--" he gulped, "in mudblood!"

Ginny whacked his chest lightly. "We were not going to do that!"

Draco scoffed. "You sooo wanted me!"

Ginny rolled her eyes, not denying it. "Let's just get away from here, my love."

Her words made him giddy and he carried her away, happy to have gotten his own true love back.

* * *

Later that evening, after having found her love for Draco renewed, Ginny sat by the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, thinking over the love-laden hours she had just passed. 

Suddenly, she sat bolt upright. He-- he had said that the blood in which they lay was Muggle blood, simply by tasting it. And he had been right. So how-- how had he learned what the taste difference between wizard and Muggle blood was? He must had to have tasted both before.

Then she realized that the man she loved so completely was... a Malfoy. All this time she had been with him, she had pushed the truth away and convinced herself that Draco was just a boy. He was just a boy like Dean Thomas and Michael Corner and all those other boys she dated, yet he was the only one she ever loved. How? How was it that she could love this offspring of evil?

She didn't know, she thought.

On second thought, maybe it was because they shared some of the same sensibilities. Their liking for blood and such.

Still, she wanted to ask him...

"Mr. Malfoy?" a voice said.

He looked up from the book he was studying. Standing there were Dumbledore, Snape, and Pomfrey. They all looked very serious.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you into custody and question you. There has been an attack on a girl here, and you are the prime suspect."

"Why am I the prime suspect?"

"Because the victim's injury was something carved into her arm. The name Draco Malfoy."

"WHAT?" he cried, rather disturbed.

"You can see why you'd be the prime suspect."

"No, I can't! How bloody stupid would I have to be to attack someone by writing my own name on them?" He adopted an idiotic tone of voice. "Gosh, yes, of course I'd do something like that, because I KNOW they'll never figure out it was me!"

"So you admit to doing it then?" asked Dumbledore, stepping forward threateningly.

"No! That was sarcasm!"

"Of course it was," sneered Dumbledore.

Snape stepped forward, and said, "Headmaster, I really don't think all this is necessary. Why don't I take the boy to my office, and we'll discuss it there, so that he won't feel as though we're accusing him or anything?"

"No, Severus," said Dumbledore sternly. "You know the rule about you not being allowed to have any more young male students in your office without another school official there."

Snape pouted.

"Who was attacked?" inquired Draco.

"Miss Hermione Granger," said Pomfrey. Draco tried to suppress a smirk, and ended up looking like he was eating a very sour lemon with hot sauce on it. The three teachers gave him an odd look, and then walked off a little ways for a few hours, to talk and argue spiritedly about what to do.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ginny was roaming the hallways in search of Draco. Apparently this night was never-ending. She was heading down a staircase when she spotted several Aurors escorting Draco out of the school. She started running down the stairs. Just as she reached the main floor, the staircase swung away.

"Nooooo!" she screamed. The Aurors and Draco spun around.

"Ginny!" Draco cried, attempting to break away from the Aurors. They shoved him back at once, and he slammed into the wall.

"Draco!" She leapt over the banister and landed ungracefully on the same floor. Quickly recovering, she got up and charged at the Aurors. As she got to the first one she slapped him across the face -- WAP!

The others tackled her to the floor while their leader gaped at the girl, a big red spot on his cheek.

"Get your hands off her!" Draco yelled, trying to get up. To no avail -- an Auror had frozen him in place.

After the four Aurors had successfully pinned her to the floor, the leader could stand above her menacingly.

"Are you daft, young lady?" the Auror asked.

She only glared up at him.

"We could arrest you..." he mocked, contemplatively.

"Let him go, he didn't do anything," Ginny said quietly.

"What's that? Didn't do anything? How would you be so sure?" He peered down at her.

"Draco--" she paused, "he'd never do anything bad..." She sounded so unsure that it seemed like a question.

"I'm sorry, miss, but we're arresting him for attacking a poor, defenseless girl earlier this evening. She almost died." Tears brimmed in his eyes and his bottom lip quivered.

"Hermione is not neither poor, nor defenseless! It would have had to have been someone whom she would let her guard down for. Draco could not have been that someone -- they're bitter enemies!" Ginny smirked, feeling more sure of Draco's innocence.

The Auror was unfazed. "Bitter enemies, eh?"

"You're not listening to me! Draco--"

"You're right, we've heard enough!" he interrupted. Addressing the other Aurors, "Take him away, I'll deal with this delinquent."

As they let her go, she leapt up and threw herself in front of Draco. She drew her wand and pointed it at them with a shaky hand. "I won't let you take him to Azkaban for nothing! One step closer and--"

"That won't be necessary, Miss Weasley," a voice said calmly. The Aurors turned around and then parted to let someone through. Dumbledore.

"Don't let them take him! He didn't do it!" Ginny pleaded.

"Yes, I know... The attacker has confessed," Dumbledore replied. He reversed the spell on Draco and started to converse animatedly with the Aurors.

Draco wrapped his arms around Ginny from behind and nibbled n her ear. "Thanks, dear," he whispered seductively.

"Draco..." she said, her eyes brimming with tears, partly because she was tremendously relieved and partly because he'd nibbled too hard. "I was so terrified they'd take you away, and I'd never see you again..."

"Don't worry. I'll never leave you."

She looked at his face, suddenly realizing that a vivid purple bruise blossomed over his right eye. She traced it with her fingers, so lightly that it did not hurt him in the least. "They hurt you..." she murmured. Then, her voice rising angrily but still remaining out of the hearing of the Aurors, she declared, "My God, they hurt you. They... will pay. Draco, my love, I--"

He took her hand, noting how it shook with her passionate anger. "Ginny, dear, calm down. It... it barely hurt. It's nothing. When I saw you stand up for me to them, the pain went clear away."

She buried her head in his chest. "Oh, Draco..."

"Oh, Ginny..."

Suddenly there was a head right between them, separating their embrace. It was Dumbledore. "Sorry to interrupt, lads, but I think it would be wiser if you went back to your dormitory." He paused. "Separate dormitories, perhaps. Or not. Your choice."

They nodded at him, and turned to walk away. Behind her, Ginny saw Dumbledore take out his wand. And then the Aurors and Dumbledore were out of sight, and they were ambling along a corridor. Ginny didn't know where they were. All she was aware of was his warm arm around her shoulders. She wanted to lose herself in his soul... she closed her eyes, memorizing this moment.

And the next thing she knew, she had tripped over something. Quite possibly her own feet. She sprawled onto the floor, dragging Draco down with her without meaning to.

"What in seven hells was that?" he asked. "Were you walking with... with your eyes closed or something?"

"Yes," she said meekly.

"Why the bugger so?"

"I was savoring the moment, damn it!"

"Oh."

She closed her eyes again, feeling the chilliness of the vast marble floor through her robes. She shivered, and felt him roll closer to her, warming her up. She snuggled closer. They lay like that for a while.

However, they were not alone...

* * *

Accreditation:

Who Died of Ennui- Draco Malfoy on Hermione's arm, Draco stumbling upon Ginny in the blood, Pomfrey and needles, Snape wanting Draco in his office,the lame "lost in his soul" moment, and the final Draco/Ginny scene.

Socra- The first Draco/Ginny scene with the blood and the seducing, Draco tasting Mudblood, Draco getting arrested, and Ginny defending Draco, oh and them not being alone... that one measly sentence at the end, there.

**EDIT by Who Died of Ennui:** Bad Socra. I typed the whole bloody chapter, all 1900something words, so don't you go calling my distantly romantic scenes lame! Plus it was a parody, of sorts. Lost in his soul! Yes! I really write like that when I'm being serious! How would that even be possible? Hones'ly...


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: We are not British, sadly, thus... not J.K. Rowling, thus...

A/N- Er. The usual. Enjoy; more is to come...

* * *

Chapter Three 

Harry was watching them excitedly from the shadows. Perv...

Anyhow, he was burning with jealousy (and lust) as he watched Draco touching Ginny. More than anything he wished he were there instead of Gin-- er, Draco...

Just as Draco was casually removing Ginny's shirt, Harry made his presence known. "Get your filthy, stinky, lovely, rotten hands off her!" he shouted, storming over to Draco and pushing him off Ginny. Ginny pulled her shirt back down and got up angrily.

Draco eyed Harry with irritation put stayed where he was, not wanting to get between Ginny and her next meal.

"Harry! What the hell do you think you're doing!" It was not a question. Ginny strode up to him, and-- WAP!-- bitch slapped him with such force and passion that he was flung across the room, smashing into the wall. A trickle of blood edged out from under his dark tangle of hair. Ginny looked at the blood longingly before remembering her great rage at his perverse action.

She stepped towards him, her foot ready to cause him great pain as he lay there. But Draco stood up, and caught her arm. "Ginny, don't. He's not worth it," he murmured.

Ginny gaped at Draco. "Harry's not worth it!" she shrieked. "Christ, Draco! It's like I don't even know you anymore!" She began spewing a long list of colorful words at the two boys.

Suddenly her foul speech was cut off as someone jammed his tongue down her throat. She nearly gagged, this was not Draco's tongue... It was Harry's!

When Harry finished devouring her face, he swept her off her feet into his arms. "I love you, Ginny," he whispered into her ear before sucking on her lobe tenderly. She shivered.

Draco could only watch in horror. If Ginny truly loved him, she would knock Harry flat on his arse. The Draco would personally strangle the filthy bastard.

Ginny climbed out of Harry's arms and took a few steps back. Then, she looked into his eyes sadly, gently stroking his hair with one hand. "Harry," she began, "I have always loved you. Since the day I first saw you, I knew we were meant for each other. Or so I thought for about _three_ days! That was four years ago, Harry! Do you really think I'd keep feeling that way about you forever? Did you really think I liked you in the least anytime in the past year? Or two years, even? No, I didn't! Idiot."

He gazed at her, and informed her, "You don't mean it."

"Harry! You idiot!" she yelled. "Let me say this once and for all. I am not in love with you. In fact, at this point in time, I feel I rather loathe you. So... bugger off. Understand?"

"No..." he grabbed her wrist. "Ginny, you love me. I know you do. Don't deny the truth of it."

"Harry! You are such a bloody prat! I do NOT love you. Now fuck off!"

Harry's eyes seemed to revolve in his head for a moment. Then, he screamed, "Draco! -- He has put a spell on you to make you think you don't love me!" He strode over to Draco, and -- **WAP!** --

Ginny, looking tremendously angry, ran up to Harry, and began slapping and kicking him. "Tough love, eh?" he said, grinning, and enveloped her in his arms in a bearlike fashion.

She struggled to free herself, screaming, "You don't touch my Draco! Ever!" But Harry's grip on her remained resolutely tight.

Suddenly, he dropped her, and slumped onto the floor. Draco stepped forward, one hand still raised after having dealt Harry a mighty bitch slap. "Are you all right, Ginny my love?" said Draco, helping her to her feet.

"Yes, I am. And are you?"

"That bitch slap he gave me was barely anything. Pathetic."

She grinned. Then, her smile became more serious, and she whispered, "Give me a gun, and I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you."

He looked at her. "What's a gun?"

"Er, I'm not sure. It's the thought that counts."

They gazed into each others' eyes. Ginny's ear started itching like mad, but she was far too busy gazing at him to scratch it.

Finally, after about three hours of this mute gazing, they both looked away. Then, they linked arms and skipped off down the corridor, singing songs about dwarves.

* * *

Harry decided that if Ginny would not see past Malfoy's lies, then he would take the matter into his own hands. He would _personally_ get rid of Draco. But first-- he would visit Hermione.

When he got to the infirmary, Hermione was staring up at the ceiling as she lay in her sick bed a/n: of Cuchulainn! .

"Hullo, Hermione," he said quietly, bending over to give her a quick hug.

"Hey, Harry," she murmured. She didn't look too well...

"How are you feeling?" he asked, ignoring the obvious visual clues.

"Not too bad," she groaned.

"Ah."

"Harry," she said faintly.

"Yes?"

"I...I have one question..." she whispered.

"What is it, pobrecita?"

"Harry..." she gasped. There was a long pause as she fought to regain her breath. Then, she indicated the "Draco Malfoy" cut into her arm, and said, in a considerably sharper tone, "Why did you do this to me? Why did you sneak up behind me and attack me that other evening, in the hall outside Ginny's room?"   



End file.
